Meet the OFFICE WORKER

This man works a job

This man has a 9 to 5 if you are familiar with industry jargon.  That tie is one of a handful that he works into a rotation that at least one of his colleagues can predict with alarming accuracy.  The OFFICE WORKER may not even know his tie rotation schedule is talked about in hallways and at happy hours that he doesn’t typically attend, even though he is on the email distribution list that a woman named Helen uses to spread the word about work events, mostly, but also sometimes about her kids’ fundraising efforts.

Helen’s kids are good people, most likely, but boy do some of the workers hate them.  Do you think our Office Worker here always wore that size belt or do you think just maybe it’s easier to keep a new year’s resolution when five dollar boxes of Tagalongs aren’t an implied requirement for Helen overlooking questionable expense reports?  You don’t have to say. 

Much like the THIEF and the CHEF, the OFFICE WORKER carries his own container of secrets. If I were to guess what might be in there I’d say an over-ripened banana, a manila envelope stamped “Top Secret”, and a coffee-stained section of a recent newspaper.

The obvious mystery is what’s in the Top Secret envelope and I swear I’ll lose my cool if we ever find out its floor plans to the building the THIEF robbed that night. Now that I planted the possibility of A SHARED UNIVERSE in your mind damn you’re gonna be hot if it’s just a SPAM BLOCKER meant to rebuff Helen’s next candle drive.

Author: clownmouth

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